roci: (30-1)
james holden ([personal profile] roci) wrote 2017-08-29 01:04 am (UTC)

Jim gets it. The whole mess of emotions, he gets it, because he felt it not too long ago.

"Few days ago," he says, "the thing I didn't want to talk about? I was pinned by a cargo crate and I was dying, and this guy on my crew -- you know, a year ago, I would've said I didn't know him, and six months ago I'd've said he scared me shitless, but somewhere in the meantime, he became family. And so there I was, poison from my own crushed bones getting into my blood, and he talks to me. He says thank you."

This is gonna sound like I'm bragging, thinks Jim.

"He said thank you for trying," Jim says. "That I'd done a lot of stupid things since I took over as captain -- those were his words, 'a lot of stupid things' -- but that I always tried to be a good man, and that he was grateful, because it felt good not to have to worry about being on the right team."

He's really not trying to brag here. That was one of the best things anyone had ever said to him, and it made Jim feel full up and brimming over; it made him want to try a thousand times harder, this time to be smart and good, so Amos wouldn't ever have to worry about it again.

"So I'm pretty good at trying," he says, "and you're pretty good at doing the smart thing. So here's hoping the Admiral knows what he -- or she -- is doing." And that's about as close as he's going to get, right now, to admitting that Jedao has something to teach him back.

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